I’ve had quite a few requests on how to handle singleness during shelter in place….
First of all, I'm so humbled and don’t feel qualified to write about this because it's a hard and heavy time. But it is real, and it is something I’m walking through (and I’m guessing most of you who are reading this are too), and what’s the point of having this blog if I ignore that? So yeah for singles right now...it is hard. It’s daunting. Maybe it feels more hopeless than ever before. It’s lonely and it’s giving us much more time with our thoughts than normal.
I don’t want to tell you what to do or what not to do. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a counselor, I’m not a professional single or even intentionally single for that matter, just single and writing from my experience.
Many of you have asked me how I’m handling it.
To be honest - good and bad. It’s definitely been a tougher “season” lol. It’s been 4 weeks, but I’ve found myself wanting, wishing, daydreaming, missing, questioning more than usual, because I’ve had the time to. I’ve gone from being in denial about the desires of my heart, to really having to confess and surrender them to the Lord. I mean, He already knows my heart, He knows my desires, He wants to talk to us about them, so that’s what I’ve been doing and journaling my prayers daily.
I journal a lot, that's how I do my quiet times. Here’s an example of what that looks like for me. I made up “PTCOM” in college, a way for me to pray purposefully and somewhat align with the way the bible tells us to pray (Matthew 6:9-13)
P- Praise “God you are faithful”
T- Thanksgiving - I thank you for __C- Confession - I confess ___
O- Others - I pray for ___
M - Myself - I ask for ___
It’s important to recognize who God is, what He’s done for us, to acknowledge our sin, and go to Him with our thoughts/desires. (more on that a little later)
On one of the first pages of every journal, I write down characteristics of God “Who God Is” as I come across them while reading the Bible. Here’s what I have so far in my current journal:
Unchangeable (Hebrews 13:8)
Faithful (Deuteronomy 7:5)
Merciful (Ephesians 2:4-5)
Good (Romans 8:28)
Patient (2 Peter 3:9)
Our Shield (Psalm 28:7)
Failproof ( Psalm 136)
Gracious (Isaiah 30:18)
Compassionate (Exodus 34:6)
Slow To Anger (Exodus 34:6)
Abounding In Steadfast Love (Psalm 36:5)
For us (Romans 8:31)
Good (Psalm 145:9)
Perfect in His Timing (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
I have to choose to believe these things about Him. If I believe that, then I can believe and trust that who or what He has for me is good and better than my own plans, my own “what if’s.” I have to believe this all the time, even now when things feel so uncertain.
Next to the list of Characteristics of God I write down Who God Says I am in Him:
Fully Loved
Chosen
Forgiven
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Fully Known
Do yourself a favor and read Psalm 139.
If I choose to believe who God is I also have to believe who He says I am in Him. (Easier said than done but writing it down really helps me!) I know this can be so hard, and if you are in a place where it feels hard to believe.. know I am praying for you, praying for belief in God’s truth!!
I’m also still attending church virtually. My pastor the other Sunday touched on the word “hosanna” which means, “God save us, remember us.” Later this week I read in 1 Samuel, Hannah’s prayer where she cries out, “Lord remember me.” Sometimes it’s easy to let your head go to a place of believing that God has forgotten you and that He doesn’t have a plan for you, but that’s not true. He does. But it’s ok to still cry out, “Lord remember me.” I highly encourage you to read the above selections; Take your problems to God before anyone else, don’t be afraid to be close with Him.
Now for some more “fun stuff!”
Some of you want practical steps, so here are a few things I have found helpful:
Talk to someone, don’t keep these thoughts to yourself. You are not alone.
Pray
Be in the word daily, or more than daily. I’ve been doing the Bible Recap and 10/10 recommend you jump in! I also love New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp.
Do a puzzle or some sort of activity that keeps you and your mind busy!
Cook and bake your favorite things and new things
Work out and go on walks
Do a zoom/video happy hour or game night
Set a routine, here is mine:
Wake up
Wash face and brush teeth
Change out of PJ’s
Make coffee and breakfast
Work
Lunch walk and call a friend (these have been my saving grace. Get outside and catch up with loved ones, it will make your day!)
Work
Work out (I love OBE, Alex Scolarii’s sculpt/kickbox classes, Rachel Peterson’s Pilate classes, and Lauren Lyngstad’s daily leg work out on IG!)
Cook with my roommate
Work on puzzle, read, watch a movie, or have a zoom video hang out with friends
Quiet time (I’ve always been a night time quiet time girl, I love ending each day this way)
I’m beyond thankful for my roommate right now, and my heart goes out to those that are alone (but if you are, take advantage of technology and connect with your people!) Here is a great article I read by Cupcake and Cashmere’s marketing manager Kelly Johnson, ``What It’s Like to Live Alone While ‘Sheltering in Place’' it's definitely worth checking for those who do and don’t live alone! Anyways, here are some fun things my roommate and I have done to keep ourselves busy and look forward to:
Get take out on the weekend to support local restaurants and to feel normal (we usually eat out on the weekends in non-quarantine times too!)
Put together a list of recipes we want to make (so far Chrissy Teigan’s Banana Bread has been our favorite)
Puzzles and games (if you have 2- 3 people games you love, let me know!)
Make a list of movies and tv shows to watch (we love the screen, so that’s fun for us)
Make a list of books you want to read: (So far I’ve read Little Fires Everywhere, and am currently reading Get Out of Your Head and All the Light We Cannot See)
Some days are easy some days are harder. I’m sure you’ve felt that too. However, I have truly loved getting to slow down and enjoy things I normally don't have time for (don’t make time for). While I haven’t loved having more time to sit with my thoughts, I’m realizing how good it’s been for me to wrestle through them and surrender them to God instead of pushing them away. My ultimate prayer during this time has been to desire God and His word above anyone and anything else. I want him to be my main desire. I want to crave time with Him and His word because as my girl Tara Leigh Cobble from The Bible Recap would say, “He is where the joy is”, and isn’t that the sweetest truth. While I don’t have the perfect answer or fix on how to successfully manage singleness during self quarantining, I hope this was an encouragement to you in some small way. We are in this together!
