The One With No Boyfriend

Name: Lindsay Price

Age: 26

Occupation: Assistant Buyer

Can’t Live Without: Ice Cream (Specifically Grater’s Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip) 

Loves: The Show Friends, hence the title of this blog

Fun Fact: Her hair was straight growing up and now it’s basically a perm. 

Obsessed With: George W. Bush 

YOU GUYS. This post is so freaking good, I bumped posting it up a week early. Lindsay is one of my main people here in Dallas, she is my community group (small group) along with Chandler Mann and Jennifer Abohosh. Unintentionally these three are the first to be featured in the collective which has turned out to be so sweet. Anyways, back to Lindsay. Linds, is someone who is up for anything anytime, an Ohio State enthusiast x100000 (she BLEEDS Buckeyes), and a crime podcast addict (along with myself, we live for murder mysteries, it’s a problem but I promise we aren’t crazy). 

If I had to describe Lindsay  in one word it would be LOYAL. This girl is loyal to her core, the best personal cheerleader, and bold beyond belief. Although we only met earlier this year, it feels like we have been friends for decades. She has a fierce faith in the Lord, and handles trials with a grace and strength I admire so much. Lindsay’s story in singleness is stinkin so good, so let’s get to it!

"You know those girls who, with every new school year they had a new boyfriend, even starting in like 3rd grade and even to this day, always seem to be in a relationship? The girls who seemed to never have to try at all to get a date for this function or that because there were always lines of guys following them wherever they went? Yeah, I was so not one of those girls.

I am 26 years old, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. There, I said it. That’s incredibly intimidating/slightly embarrassing/nerve wracking to say to the internet where we put our best face on display 24/7, but this is me being real, because this is my life.

“I don’t get it, you’re such a catch!”

“Wait, you mean, never??”

“Wow, that’s so cool! I wish I had done that. Good for you for waiting!”

“Oh well, don’t worry, your time will come! God has a plan!”

These are a few of my favorite responses people have when they hear that I haven’t had a boyfriend. The one where people compliment me for waiting makes me a little uncomfortable because it’s not like I’m taking this stand to not date anyone until such and such a time to focus on myself or am against it entirely, it’s just never happened… I know it’s coming from a good place, but sometimes it’s hard to not take it like what they really want to say is “What’s wrong with you?” Because, that’s the question that goes through my mind all the time.

At least, it used to.

“What’s wrong with me?” What a loaded question that begins and ends in lies from Satan.

I’ve been the “almost” girl a few times. Where it would like my bad luck with relationships would end, but then it’s over just as quickly as it started. Whatever it was. I would be “talking” to a guy and it seemed to be going well then all of the sudden, he was over it or nothing would come of it. The reasons why varied and some I still don’t know, but in my mind, I was the common denominator in all these situations, so it was clearly me. I was obviously doing something wrong. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not funny or smart enough. I’m too awkward. I’m not outgoing enough, and about a million other of these thoughts roll through my head.

We are not promised marriage and that’s what scares me. Like our friend Chandler Mann talked about in her post a while back (if you haven’t read it, I suggest you do so right now, seriously, so good) society has made it seem that singleness is second best. It’s like our whole lives we are racing for the marriage finish line, and God forbid you don’t cross it. Why is that? Why do we feel like we are black sheep in the midst of all these happy, paired up sheep? No really, I’m asking… because I have no idea why.

For me, I think it boils down to, not being alone, but not being good enough.

My Discipleship group just finished going through Lysa TerKeurst’s “Finding I am” study and one of the days (that I lead ironically enough) was titled “I’m not good enough” which obviously peaked my interest. She talks about not getting invited to a party and how much that hurt and made her feel like she wasn’t good enough to be part of the group. Then she had the realization that the term “good enough” is not any good at all. We wouldn’t want people to say that we’re good enough at our job or a good enough friend or a good enough partner in a relationship. No, so often we try to take matters into our own hands and forget that God has our backs. Lysa makes a great point “With Jesus, we are better than good enough because He steps in and fulfills what we cannot do on our own.” So why am I still consumed with being accepted by everyone around me, especially guys?

Most of the time, my season of singleness doesn’t really bother me. I’m a very independent person who, while I love to hangout and be in the mix with my friends and go out and try new things, I feel like I thrive being by myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first one on and last to leave the dance floor, I’m always up for trying new restaurants on Friday nights and would be at Ohio Stadium every home game tailgating with my friends and cheering on the Bucks if I could. So, while it would be an added bonus to have someone to do all the things with like have as a plus one at all of the weddings that keep coming, go to the state fair with when all my friends have already gone or even just to watch The Walking Dead with on Sunday nights (best show on television, don’t even try, I’m looking at you GOT fans), being in a relationship would be a plus, not a must for me right now.

But that’s not to say the weight of longtime singleness doesn’t get to me, because it does. Being single is HARD sometimes and it bothers me that I let it affect me – make me doubt myself. What bothers me more often than I’d like to admit is the FOMO I get from never having dated. I get scared into thinking that if it hasn’t happened by now, the chances are just going to keep getting slimmer and slimmer. It’s hard for me to not compare myself to my friends, coworkers, family and fictional characters in books and movies and not feel embarrassed about it or not good enough. Especially living in the south, you are very much in the minority to be in your late 20’s and not be in a relationship. Not to mention that you can’t seem to make it past a first date (however bad it is, and trust me, I have some great bad first date stories). It makes me feel as though I’m wayyyy behind in life when everyone around me is having major success in their careers, getting married, having babies, buying houses etc. etc. etc.

For instance, one of my best friends just got engaged!! I had known about the plan for a long time and even helped her boyfriend decide on the ring and did my best to throw her off for when the big day was coming. The week leading up to the proposal, I couldn’t stop talking about it (I’m in Dallas and she’s in Columbus so it’s fine, I was excited not stupid), I was just too happy that it was finally happening! Thankfully, I was in town for a baby shower on the day of the proposal and when someone asked me what I was doing the rest of the day and I responded that I was going to celebrate one of my best friends getting engaged, they asked with a serious look of pity, “Aw, how does that make you feel? Is that hard for you?” Whoa… Well dang it wasn’t until you just said something!!

Jk, jk. But, still.

I’m used to stuff like this. I have become good at laughing it off or coming back with a sassy saying about how no guy could keep up with me anyway, blah, blah, blah. But what I wish I said is, “The Lord has a plan and it’s better than mine.” Because that’s what I need to remind myself every day.

I’ve got a new prayer. After first moving to Dallas, my prayer was for community. Moving to a new city is HARD especially one as big as Dallas and I knew all too well the direction that this move could have gone if I didn’t find one. But the Lord totally provided! He gave me some months of adjustment, but then He came through in a big way and now I have some of the best community that I’ve had. After I rejoiced in this answer to prayer, I thought about what my next heartfelt prayer would be. There was a small thought to now pray for a relationship. I’ve put in my time in the single department and maybe now it’s my turn! But that was my selfish flesh talking and also a lie. We don’t deserve anything, including relationships.

No, my new prayer is actually one I’m stealing from a family friend. A friend who, at his rehearsal dinner, made a toast about his long time singleness after a relationship that didn’t work out. He prayed that no matter what, the Lord would sustain him. And that is my new prayer, that the Lord sustains me. No matter what happens in singleness, and life in general, I pray that I trust in Him and that the Lord will completely fill me. The dictionary defines sustain as “strengthen or support physically or mentally”. Other words for sustain are comfort, help, assist, encourage, carry, support, hearten. I need this every day in every aspect of my life. But especially when my fear of not being good enough for a relationship comes to the forefront of my mind. Because when I’m focusing on the negative, I miss out on what the Lord is doing for me in other ways. He is encouraging, assisting and supporting us daily, and so often we miss it because we are focusing on ourselves and what we have or don’t have. In my case, a relationship.

So just because I’ve never dated, doesn’t mean that I’m not good enough. It’s just giving more and more opportunity for God to fully sustain me, and more importantly, allow myself to trust that He will no matter what. He doesn’t have to provide me with a relationship and at 26 years old, there is no sense in just sitting around waiting on one. So, I’ll just be here, cheering on my Buckeyes, getting invited to weddings to be the life of the dance floor and watching The Walking Dead by myself on Sunday nights so no one has to see how into it I am."

Yeah, told you this was amazing. I hope you are encouraged by her story in singleness, and challenged to make your prayer for the Lord alone to sustain you. "Surely God is my help; The Lord is the one  who sustains me." - Psalm 54:4. Until next week friends!

Belonging In The Desert

Name: Jennifer Abohosh | Dallas, Texas

Age: 26

Field of Work: Consulting

Can't Live Without: Coffee.  (Stumptown Coffee is the favorite) 

Loves: Spending time with her high school small group girls and spurring them on!

Has Flown: Over 100k miles this year helping ministries all around the world with digital strategy. 

Side Hustle: Dallas Flower Company! She started it just a few months ago and has already sold countless bouquets and has a wedding booked this month! Remember those beautiful blooms on my Instagram yesterday? Those are hers, give her a follow @DallasFlowerCompany

I am so thrilled to introduce you to my dear friend Jen. We first met in a wedding we were both bridesmaids in together in 2015. Since then we were bridesmaids in yet another wedding together last November and have become close friends since I have moved to Dallas. We have recently joined a small group together with Chandler Mann (whom you have met) and Lindsay Price (who you will meet soon!) It has been so sweet to walk throughsingleness together and experience community in the midst of a sometimes lonely season. 

If I had to describe Jen in one word, it would be INTENTIONAL. This girl is intentional with her words, time and actions. She is an example to me of what it looks like to be “quick to listen and slow to speak.” (James 1:19) (something I struggle with). She is wise beyond her years, and leads humbly. Jen is creative and a go-getter. (Did I mention she’s been promoted at her job like a billion times?) She has an eye for all things pretty (duh, her flowers are amaze) and a gift of making her friends feel known and loved. In this post Jen digs into what it feels like to belong somewhere or to someone in the midst of singleness and where we place our identity. Let me tell ya, it’s good stuff and you don’t want to miss it. Ok, enough from me, here’s what Jen’s has to say on “Belonging In The Desert”. 

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"Singleness sucks. Can we just come out and say that? 

A friend of mine once gave me permission to scream into a pillow and cry over this, because it does suck. Feeling that emotion is part of it – it’s part of the refining fire.

I’m an extrovert. I get my energy from people and by being around people. Growing up, I was the girl that would bring 10 friends to camp with me to have built-in friends, and birthday parties were planned months in advance. Gathering with friends has always given me the most joy. 

So, being single in a time of life where most of my friends are married feels isolating.  

But desiring connection and belonging is what makes me human – but, for me, is part of what made me incredibly broken.

In the Bible, God uses a story in Hosea to show how a prostitute seeks value from her suitors instead of her husband. God tells him to give her unconditional love, and he does, but she still turns to her old patterns instead of to him. 

Finally, in Chapter 2, God threw her into the desert and said, “I will block her path with thorn bushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.” (Hosea 2:7-9)

Like Hosea, God, in his kindness, threw me in the desert away from the things I longed for until I realized where true life was found.

Except for my suitors came in the shape of friends, family and relationships that I clinged to for identity instead of fully in Christ.  

But the desert is the place where I found myself and figured out what it meant to truly belong. 

While in this desert, I decided to face the wilderness alone (with God) to figure out who I was and what He was trying to teach me as I clinged to the promise that “God works in everything for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his purpose” and I knew that even in this phase of life God was at work!

Trying to find my identity in people left me in this constant state of being too much or never enough.

I was either, too ambitious in my career for some men who wanted a stay at home wife. But, I was not feminist enough to really fit in with the career driven women. 

I was stuck. 

I was trying to cling to identities that were out there instead of grasping my own. 

But God showed me that you can’t put me in a box because I don’t fit in a box. I’m complicated, and deep, and snarky, and smart, but it’s all beautifully unique to just me.

I discovered that identity is something that you carry and belonging isn’t something someone can give you. True belonging is something only you can give yourself. 

And, true belonging is scary. It’s something you do alone – just you and God. It’s vulnerable and brave. 

Because, when you truly belong, you belong nowhere and everywhere at once. 

I am no longer picking up my identity from one person or friend group, because I’m unique to me.  I belong nowhere but here – with me and God.

But, at the same time, I get to belong everywhere at once – bringing a lot to the table when I do!  Since I’m coming to the party whole and already belonging - I get to experience joy from friendships as an added bonus to my life and praise God for those sweet gifts of mirroring His love for me.  

I think this what God wanted from me in this season.  

I think God wanted to show me that true belonging comes from within, and I don’t need anyone else to belong. I get to belong in the desert on my own. And that’s enough." 

- Jennifer

Struggling with our identity and wanting to feel like we belong somewhere is so common in all walks of life. I hope you were encouraged by Jen's words just as much as I was and reminded that God has us belonging in what ever season it may be, for a reason, and for His Glory, and "that's enough", because He is always good. 

When You Stalk Your Ex On Instagram

Y'all. This post is raw and it's real. And it was real scary to write and click publish. So bear with me and dig into this nitty gritty not so pretty stuff about singleness.

Remember how in my last post I talked about how I was pretty confident and comfortable this summer in singleness? Well, joke’s on me because the other weekend was tough. Let me just give you a little play by play of what brought me into this downward spiral.

Saturday morning: I wake up MAD because I just had a dream where I was dating someone, only to find out he was dating someone else on the side. 2 things here:

1. Not being good enough/rejection is one of my core fears, so cue the insecure thoughts this dream brought by not being chosen. (And yes I realize this was not real and didn't really happen but it made me really feel things)

2. I woke up over an hour before my alarm so I was pretty stinking annoyed at this dream for the seemingly real feelings it brought AND waking me up early.

Saturday-Sunday: overall great weekend filled with college football (GO FROGS) and friends. But also filled with good and deep conversations, that included talking about relationships and singleness. And me downloading my weirdo dream to two of my close friends (talking about it was maybe a bad idea bc then I just kept thinking about it.)

Let’s proceed to the rest of that weekend/week:

Sunday: the Devil got me good. My dream feelings were still strong and I somehow found myself digging into an ex's social media which I shouldn't have done. BUT I felt like being sorry for myself I guess, so I started comparing myself to other girls he had dated, and other people who are in relationships. Yes I realize this sounds psycho and I'm and crazy but I can't be the only one who does this… right? Oh you don't? Yeah jk me either I just made this up…

Y’ALL.

Welcome to the crazy train of a single girl's brain! Throughout that week I really struggled with questions like, “ Why has nobody asked me out in so long? “Am I pretty enough”? “Am I likable?” “Is something wrong with me?” “How come they get to have a relationship and I don’t? Lord haven’t I been faithful?"(UGLY THOUGHTS WOW)

Anyone else ask these questions before?

After thinking these thoughts and talking to my friends about these things, I had to admit “I stalked my ex on Instagram”. We all shared stories of how common this is and talked about how negative the effects are when we do this. Why do we do this to ourselves? To throw ourselves a pity party? .. Apparently so. Stalking your ex on Instagram does NOT, I repeat DOES NOT benefit us in anyway. Sure, maybe you’re just “checking in to see what they are up to, how are they doing” but let’s be real. It doesn't end there. It ends in insecure thoughts, and leads to vicious games of comparison. It leaves us feeling sad, not good enough, and maybe sometimes depressed. It makes us remember the good but not the bad of that relationship, and makes us desperately desire to be in one again.

While desiring a relationship is not a bad thing (we were made to be in relationships with one another, whether romantic, family or friendly), it becomes a bad thing when it starts to be an idol in your life. It becomes an idol when you find yourself checking in on the ex constantly, digging down the hole of social media, comparing and wishing for things you don’t have.

So how do we avoid that? It’s simple and easier said than done. But I think we need to choose not to stalk. Choose to take them off our feeds if needed. Choose to be held accountable by friends who will ask us hard questions, and encourage us in the season God has us in. Maybe for you that looks like taking a break from social media completely. I am embarrassed to admit the amount of time I spend on social media compared to other things I know would be more life giving, like long quiet times. Personally, I have decided to “slow my scroll” before I go to bed. After settling in for the night with my roommate and watching our shows, and doing my quiet time, I will set my alarm and choose not to go on Instagram or Facebook, etc. It’s pretty wild when you start scrolling and all of the sudden it's an hour later. I am ending my day journaling, praying and spending time with the Lord instead of scrolling, and let me tell you it’s been so good. Take this time too to talk about your struggles in singleness to God, and reflect on them, instead of stalking and soaking in the insecurities.

While spending time in the word, I dwelled on these things:

• God's timing is good, perfect, and will always be better than what we might think is the right timing. Ecclesiastes 3:11 - "  He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
• Wait on the Lord, he always has and always will care for us. Lamentations 3:25-26- "The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him", Romans 8:28-"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
• My identity rests in Him and not in my relationship status. Psalm 62:1-2-"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

  What do you do that helps get you away from stalking and going deep into the hole on social media?

I’d love to hear!

A Summer Of Singleness

This week I originally wanted to talk about the importance of community in your single season, and really, in all seasons. But as summer came to a close and I approached  the 1 month anniversary of this blog, I kept thinking about what an incredible summer in singleness I had.

Maybe for some of you this is your first summer as a single girl, or singleness came abruptly this summer following major heartache, or  maybe you are thinking, “Honey, I’ve been single my whole life, so a summer of singleness is no new thing for me.” Personally, It's been four years since I've dated anyone, so a summer of singleness isn’t necessarily “new” for me . But I feel like this summer in particular, my confidence in singleness outweighed my insecurities in singleness. So, I  instead  wanted to write about 3 things  that helped my confidence win over insecurities  during  this “single” summer.

I Dreamed With My Team

If you're like me, you make some sort of goal or list of things  you want to accomplish throughout the year. For some reason, it seems like these lists and goals are more adventurous during the beginning of the new year or summer. I think summer gives us a new spring to our step  - the sun is shining, the days are longer, and even though most of us don’t have summer break anymore, we still get in the mindset  that  we have more time than usual. I have been wanting to start this blog for the past two years , and this summer is when I finally decided to do it. A major reason  that got me to do it was  “my people”. I shared this dream of Single Society Co with close friends who encouraged me and pushed me to actually do this thing, instead of just dreaming and talking about it. They held me accountable and asked me questions like, “ Have you started writing? What have you written? When are you actually going to do this? "  You can even think of questions you want people to ask you, have them keep tabs, and ask them in return what dreams  you can help them accomplish.  Your goals may be anything from starting a blog to changing your thought process. Maybe this is the summer you really do want to get over that ex . Have your people check in and ask what you’re doing to accomplish that. For me, this project has kept me distracted from  unproductive day-dreaming and  wishing for  a significant other, and instead, kept me busy with a new side project that I love.

I Traveled

Like  I  mentioned above, it seems like we just have more time in the summer. Our minds go into automatic vacation mode because we grew up with summer vacation. Plan a trip with your family or friends that makes you excited. I think it’s so important to have something to look forward to, especially if you a struggling with something or feel like you’re in a slump of a season. Whether it’s going somewhere new or going to my favorite summer spot, getting somewhere out of my daily routine and city refreshes my soul and always gives me a fresh take on life. It also usually fuels my already full tank of wander lust. It gets me thinking “next time I go here I want to.. and this reminds me I really want to visit___. "  These thoughts fill my mind instead of the daily grind , and help me realize I can still have fun traveling even while single . This summer, I was able to go to  NYC, San Diego, LA, and finally Bend, the wine country in Oregon,  and The Bay Area in California. It  was so great to be with family and friends on these trips and out of the normal  day-to-day .

I Rested

Again, take advantage of this “extra” time summer creates for us and take time to be still and rest. Use those extra daylight hours for an extra long quiet time. Sit on your patio and watch the sunset start till finish. Give yourself a weekend where you choose to say no to something and say yes to taking care of yourself. I really wanted to take advantage of this Labor Day weekend and travel somewhere, but my body said no for me. I slept 10 hours  one night  and have found time to be productive but restful this weekend here in Dallas, and it has been so good.

I may not have all the answers to combating singleness, but these three things really helped me find the beauty in my independence this summer. I hope you can learn or relate from my experience, and together we can keep celebrating the ways God is using us in our singleness.

When Singleness Feels Second Best

Chandler Grace Mann/The Collective

My Dallas community is filled with some incredible people. I'm lucky that Chandler is one of them. Chandler and I have known of each other for years, but we only became friends a few months ago. People said we would love each other and click, and boy were they right. We haven't stopped hanging out since the first night we met (I'm not kidding we are probably together 5/7 days a week lol) Excessive? Maybe, but somehow we never run out of things to talk about, to dream, and scheme about. (and if you know us you know we are both talkers soo yup! we can chat for hours on end) She is a creator, a dreamer, a loyal friend, and insanely talented. She is the creative details behind this blog, and the person who helped me press "go" on this whole thing.  She knows how to love and celebrate the heck out of her friends ( I swear, this girl is helping a friend/celebrating the small things with them  every.single.day.) But, my favorite thing about Chandler is her heart for the Lord, which in turn, channels her heart to love and serve people so well. She is bold, and consistent in challenging herself and others to be better.  She is my Dallas "blonde to my brunette", and I could not be more excited to feature her as the first person in the Single Society Collective. 

"Singleness. A word that holds so much weight but can lack clarity in its purpose and design. For the majority of us we are conditioned to believe marriage is the ultimate arrival, the prize, the goal..I’m here to tell you that there is no such thing as second best when it comes to singleness.

If you would have asked me even 5 short years ago how I would feel about my current state as a single in her late twenties, I would have been sick to my stomach. I wish I was kidding with you, but this news would have been absolute WORST case scenario to me. Some kind of unwanted purgatory that I would be desperately trying to claw my way out of. By the grace of God I’ve been able to thrive in singleness not because I have it all figured out, but because I have a savior that does.

Let me start out by telling you I do have a desire to be married. Sometimes when I speak on Singleness or write about it people automatically assume I’m called to it for life or that I don’t want to be married, this could not be farther from the truth. I do have a desire to be a wife, but I refuse to sit at an empty table every night wishing my single life away. I’m writing this because I wish someone would have helped me navigate this season or at the very least pointed me to truth and spurred me on towards the purpose behind it.

Growing up I was always the girl with a boyfriend. I found my identity in it rather than in Jesus and you can only imagine how that turned out.  When things were good in my relationships I was good, when things were bad, I was an emotional wreck. Living on a constant rollercoaster I thought being a wife was the goal, the end all be all so I exhausted myself in this role. I believed that, you go to college, fall in love and TADAH here comes the perfect Godly man right as you begin senior year, or if you’re lucky even earlier. I was left unprepared, insecure and searching for worth when this wasn’t my story.

How do we combat the assumption that singleness is second best? We learn the purpose and fix our eyes on the creator.

Know the purpose for singleness

I’ve heard it all, “God will give you a husband when you’re not looking,” “your time will come “  “ Why are you still single?” etc etc. I have mixed responses to these humbling remarks. First and foremost it truly saddens me that there is a lack of knowledge about this season of life. Although this is not something I necessarily chose for myself it is the sweetest gift that i’ve been entrusted with. A Gift. Just as marriage is a gift, so is singleness. It is a gift of God’s grace to us. Learning the purpose behind it made my perspective change.  Most of us have a general understanding of marriage, It is God’s loving gift to mankind, a symbol of a God ordained permanent union between His Son and the Church. How could singleness not feel second best to that?! The good news is we aren’t. Scripture shows us that Jesus is the bridegroom who will return to take his bride, the church, to be with him forever in eternity. Is this not the best news ever?! Regardless of if we marry this side of heaven, we will not be single forever. If you are single right now, you’ve been entrusted with time, treasure and flexibility to serve the Kingdom of God. I have been able to serve more, disciple more, steward more, live more than I ever thought possible. I wasn’t sitting back wishing it away or dwelling on what could’ve been. I have been able to pour myself and my gifts out for the church. Although our finite minds seem to have a hard time with singleness, scripture is very clear about it’s purpose. ( 1 Cor 7:8 )

Keep your Eyes Fixed on Jesus not yourself

I’ve spent a whole lot of wasted time with my eyes on myself and my current circumstances and not enough time on the creator of the universe. It is easy to take my eyes off of Him to compare my life and my season of singleness to everyone around me. There are so many hard things I’ve been able to work out with the Lord without attaching another person to them and sinking them in the process. I’m not going to paint singleness as the most glamorous thing in the world. I was the maid of honor in four weddings in the past three years and now three of those friends have babies. At times It can feel like everyone in this world is moving on without you, but once again that’s the result of looking parallel and not fixing our gaze above. Let’s be honest, just because we know the purpose and are stewarding singleness well that doesn’t mean all the loneliness will go away. One thing I do know is Marriage isn’t going to satisfy only Jesus can do that. Marriage isn’t going to fix all problems and it would be foolish to sit through singleness believing that lie. However, we do know one day all suffering and difficulty with disappear even those associated with singleness ( Rev. 7:17 ; 19: 7 ).

Knowing scripture and keeping my eyes fixed above have been the two tools I have used to fight discontentment in singleness. I preach these words above to myself all the time. It is a refining process and I wouldn’t change it for anything! At the end of the day, check your heart’s intention. If you want out of this season because you think it’s going to fill a void, it’s not. I beg you to ask the Lord to reveal himself in a deeper way than you’ve ever imagined. There is a God in Heaven that desperately loves you and wants to be on the throne of your heart. Please don’t make this an idol like I once did because it only leads to destruction and wasted time. Singleness is the sweetest gift, my prayer is that we see it as such."

My hope is that Chandler's story in singleness encourages you to "refuse to sit at an empty table every night wishing your single life away.”  We challenge you to view singleness not as "second best", but as a season, for opportunity, and as a gift.  

Someone to Hold My Hand

Grief In Singleness

A few of you may be wondering why it’s taken so long for me to post after I launched this blog. Well, life happens and this post will help explain why I took a small hiatus from writing. Bear with me, because in the beginning you’re probably thinking, “what does this have to do with singleness?” I promise it will get there.

Right around the launch of my blog, my sweet grandmother (Oma is what we called her) passed away. In the past few years she battled with kidney cancer, beat it, but it recently came back viciously. While she had not been doing great for a while, her passing was still somewhat abrupt. My Oma was someone I looked up to greatly. She was a woman of class, she was kind and gentle, and extremely generous. She also had the best shoe and purse collection of anyone I’ve ever known. But the thing I admired most about her was her deep love for her husband, her family and above all the Lord. A few years back her husband and my Opa passed away. She never stopped mourning his loss, but she still trusted the Lord through it. During her illness instead of becoming bitter, she would constantly talk about how the Lord has her and she trusts Him. I struggle so much with that on a daily basis (what am I supposed to do with my life? When will get married? Will I EVER get married?) The list goes on and on. But she took each challenge with grace and trust in the Lord. At the end of the day she had peace because she knew where she was going. My Oma was ready to be with the Lord and Opa forever. And that gave our family the sweetest closure, Oma was finally home.

While it is sweet to know Oma is where we all want to be someday, grief is still a part of this process. Grief includes crying randomly throughout your days and feelings of overwhelming sadness, but it also includes reminiscing on old times, and remembering what you loved so much about that person. Thankfully for me, it included an extended amount of time with family. It also includes intimate moments with the Lord, asking “why” and “when will it get better.” As a single girl, it included a deep desire for someone to check in on me, care for me, someone to hold my hand and say it will be ok.

It’s times of sadness and loneliness that the struggle of singleness creeps in for me. I so admire the love my grandparents had for each other and the strong family they raised, I can’t help but want that too! I’m going to be real honest with you here, physical touch is probably last on my “love languages” list, but for some reason I kept thinking, I wish I had someone to hold my hand, to hug, a shoulder to lean on. Here’s another moment of vulnerability for you here: Harry Potter is my all time favorite series of anything, and watching it with my family is just the best. We watched a few together last week. During the last movie, the part where they are in the final battle and everyone runs to the their loved one for that last kiss and last “I love you” just in case… it got to me. While watching I was thinking these stupid silly things and I KNOW I’m not the only one that does this while watching a movie or reading a book.  These thoughts went something like this:  “I want someone to run to me and say I love you if the world is ending”, “I want a final kiss goodbye”(sorry mom and dad), I want that tragic/exciting romance!”  LIKE WHAT?! HP is my safe place, my get away from reality, my place to nerd out, not to be insecure about being single! (#forevergratefulforjkrowling) But as I thought those things, I was reminded I already have someone (in fact, more than just someone)  for those things. I have my family and my friends, people who send flowers, a call, a text, a card, a shoulder to lean on, a friend to squeeze and hold my hand.  

But above all those things I have the Lord. The Lord promises he is there for the broken hearted (Psalm 34:14), He promises He is with you always (Isaiah 41:10), He promises that despite your circumstances, He is still good (Psalm 24:8).

Until recently, I had been feeling pretty confident in singleness. I was feeling very content with my life, my friends, and where God had me. The idea of dating someone overwhelmed me more than excited me. But grieving my Oma, revealed that I still do idolize romantic relationships. It’s funny how the enemy uses something I love (like Harry Potter of all things) against me to think that God isn’t good enough for me in this season of grief. But He IS good and he DID comfort me with his word and his spirit through that struggle. I was reminded that I’m not alone, unloved or unwanted just because I am single.

My first blog post may have been delayed, but I hope that someone reading this and is struggling with these feelings of insecurity, can be encouraged and relate to my single girl ramblings.

Why Single society co?

Two years ago I sat down with a mentor and asked her the question, “Why is there so little written to singles FROM singles?” I told her how much I looked up to her and respected what she had to say because she got married at 41, and is INCREDIBLE. I expressed with her my frustrations of talking to other friends and role models in my life about singleness and getting the response, “I know how you feel.” I was frustrated because simply, they don’t.  In Texas, and in the community I’m surrounded by, so many people get married young, which is so great! But I wanted to hear more from other singles, or those who got married at a later age. My mentor then said, “Well, why don’t you do it?” And here we are.

This blog has been a dream of mine for a few years now, and I finally decided to take the plunge. I think the season of singleness, and discussion of how valuable and exciting this time can be is so important. My hope for this blog is to be a place that encourages singles to live purposeful, exciting and valuable lives, and to know that it’s not about waiting for what or who is next. This space is meant to encourage people to live their best single lives now.

Although singleness will be my main focus, you’ll also find other topics like travel, lifestyle, food and faith.